A few years ago, Manglobe released a TV series called Samurai Champloo, a "hip-hop samurai story." I remember seeing a few episodes, and not being very impressed. It had the problem where I didn't particularly like any of the main characters. I despised Mugen, thought Fuu was too ditzy to live, and Jin was okay, but not really likeable. At least he made sense. After only three episodes, though, it was clear that this was not a series for me.

You might wonder why, if I didn't care for the series, am I reviewing one of the soundtrack albums? Well, see, the hip-hop aspect of the show wasn't just a throw-away gimmick, as the show itself was saturated in some pretty interesting hip-hop beats — admittedly not my usual style of music, but it was pretty good. I had a chance to snag this album at a discount, and I figured I would give it a whirl and see what cool tracks it had.

My reaction upon listening to this album can be summarized as follows: Worst. Soundtrack album. Ever.

You know how I mentioned that the show had lots of cool hip-hop going on? Well, none of that is present here. What this album consists of, with the exception of track 18, is a bunch of tracks that are the techno equivalent of bad elevator music. Each track has a standard rhythm, and some electronic notes on top of those, and then it just cycles for the entire song. Granted, sometimes there are variations that take place within a track, but there are exactly zero driving beats like you would expect. Everything is really mellow, and I have to be honest with you and let you know that mellow hip-hop is pretty lame.

Don't believe me, do you? Well, head on over to the main album listing and let's check out some sample tracks. First, let us try track 2, Yet? Why Not?. Revel in that lame, sclerotic rhythm. I realize you are only getting 30 seconds of an almost 4 minute track, but it just loops that same sound the entire time, so just put it on repeat eight times and you will have actually heard the entire track. Now let's try track 7, Absolute. Boring, isn't it? The track actually develops slightly from what is included in the 30 second sample, but only barely. And this track just repeats that loop for over five minutes. Sheer pain. Lastly, let us try track 15, 2 Messages. This one isn't as bad as most of the album, but it is still fairly slow, and there just isn't anything interesting going on. This is the soundtrack to a "hip-hop opera?" Seriously? My American mind must not understand what hip-hop is. I thought it was Jay-Z and stuff. I must be crazy.

I will note that a quick Google search showed that there are at least six different albums out there related to Samurai Champloo, and maybe some of those are actually fun albums. This one is not, though. I recommend staying as far away as you can.