Remember that fad that happened in the early and mid 90s where any somewhat successful manga would get not a television series-as the current trend is-but an OVA series? Normally these shows would be only one or two episodes in length and would rely heavily on the viewer's familiarity with the manga, not fun for an American who had little access to translated volumes of the source comic. But on the whole the shows were decent, if forgettable, and a very few of them went down as anime mainstays (think "Ah! My Goddess" or "Video Girl Ai"). This brings me to the subject of my review today, "Puppet Princess," which has no such manga to speak of, but leaves the unfulfilled viewer wishing it did.

The basic premise of the show is something that I'm sure we've all seen many times before in martial arts anime: a princess from Old-Timey Japanese Land No. 1 goes on mission of vengeance, after an evil emperor from Old-Timey Japanese Land No. 2 kills her father and ravages her home. She, as you might expect, teams up with a lecherous ronin who was taken in by her innocent smile, and she then goes on to defeat the evil emperor. And, really, that's it. What I've just described is the whole 45-minute she-bang. There's no characterization, comedy, or action, albeit a few unfortunate attempts at all three.

Most of the problems derive from the short length of the OVA. Within 45 minutes we have to go through the mandatory history lesson, introductions, characterization-building scenes, fan service, fight scenes, and of course the climactic battle. That's a lot of ground to cover in such a brief time allotment, and I can't say the anime really succeeds. The characters never become 3d, and much of the story goes too fast for the viewer to really care about any of it at all. This is most apparent when it comes to the princess' "dramatic and surprising" ulterior motive, because we never care enough to be affected by it. And we can't even just treat the show as a light junk food endeavor, as the humor-which relies on completely unfunny recurring gags-is simply pathetic. I didn't laugh or even crack a smile once, which is definitely not a good sign (I'm usually a pushover in the comedy department).

Even after all of those faults, this is a martial arts anime, and thus there's still one factor left that could have possibly redeemed this show from being the boring time-waster it is: the fight scenes. And really, when the main hook in all the ads (the princess uses mecha-like puppets to fight) is directly connected to action, the brawls better be darn good. Unfortunately, what could have been the anime's saving grace ended up only adding to the insipidness, as the few fight scenes in it are poorly choreographed and lack variety. As previously stated, the main attraction is that the princess uses four different "puppets" (though really they're no different than your average fantasy mecha from the likes of "Magic Knight Rayearth" or "Maze") with which to fight, but each of the machines lack personality and even at that they are only present on-screen for a small period of time. Also, the ronin's fights are equally as unimpressive, and really just carry on a feel of indifference that is perpetrated throughout the rest of the anime.

The visuals are entirely unattractive, which is really a shame when one thinks of the potential. Seriously, what's the point of building a show around puppets if they all look like "Escaflowne" rejects? The designs for the actual human characters similarly lack all sense of personality, as it seems the creators just looked up "innocent princess," "lecherous ronin," and "anonymously evil emperor" in their How to Draw Manga books and started sketching. All in all, the designs are instantly forgettable, much like the anime itself. Also, Manajiri's caterpillar eyebrows are just disturbing. The audio is really nonexistent since the short length of the show leaves no time for any theme song to catch on with the viewer, and the BGM seems to be ripped off from Street Fighter (the video game, not the anime).

I finish this review with a story someone once told me (which, in case you have heard the story as well, is being filtered through my foggy late-night memory and therefore will be about as accurate as "Pearl Harbor"). Once upon a time there was an aspiring actor named Jonathan who decided to spend the summer in Los Angles going on audition rounds, so he got hooked up in a friend's parent's vacation house in L.A. However, also there was a friend of the parents, an Austrian woman named Ana, who spoke very little English. She was not told anything about Jonathan's plans to stay there, and thus was at quite a loss to explain the presence of this man in his mid-twenties crashing on the couch eating yogurt and watching soap operas. After a while this inexplicable existence became too much to bear and she rushed into the living room (where Jonathan was on the couch eating yogurt at the time) and said with concise philosophical complexity that would have made Voltaire proud, "Why is Jonathan?"

And thus, my friends, I ask you today with the same state of mind as dear Ana, "Why is Puppet Princess?"

(Side Note: Puppet Princess, the reviewer, would like to remove any thoughts that possibly popped up in your head that her nickname was based on this insipid piece of animated garbage she has just reviewed, and would like to point out that it originated from the lead character in the first game in the Marl Oukoku video game series. She would also like to add that the Marl Oukoku series is quite good and you should definitely go out and play it instead of watching this ridiculous excuse for anime. The end.)

Distributor:Media Blasters
Creator:Shogakukan
Released: 2000

Plot: C+
Character Design: C+
Animation Quality: B-
Music: B-
Overall: C+