Email His Lordship Sushi, Nallopian God of Mail!

Nallopian Archive

Dear Lord-Master of the Mailbag of Anime Dreams,

My humble apologies if this poor servant has failed to properly enumerate thy title, but precisely that problem has come to my attention. I would not wish to have our poor readers feel out of place, or uncomfortable, in scripting letters for thy perusal out of confusion over thy proper title. For, indeed, many titles there are what could be attributed to the likes of thee, e'en the simplest of which can oft be laden with the angst of ambiguity. Verily, may one e'en note the linguistic problems in addressing the deliverer of mail... "Mailman" is often such a one considered, yet is such a one clad in mail? Does such a person mail men? Clearly such a term is more than inadequate for thy noble purposes. Considering variations, however, unveils further sources of conundrum. For, are we to be more specific and choose the term Mail Male, a level of e'en less certainty is attained: in addition to the aforementioned ambiguities which carry over to this term, speakers who address such a person might be mistakenly interpreted as saying "Male-Male"! Alas, an should further slips of the tongue be made, such as calling thee a "Mail'd Male," one can imagine e'en worse scenarios. Truly a travesty of the tongue. But, what about reductionist techniques? One might reduce thine job to the acronym MAIL - Master of All Important Mail. Or, as a variation, what about MAEL - Master of All, Encompassing Mail? Lo, with all such possibilities swirling through their minds, how are our readers to even begin their letters to thee? Please, I beg of thee, enlighten thy subjects as to thy true title, that phrase which shall lie sovereign o'er all their words...

Thy humble servant,

Elfshadow

Dear pathetic human,

...Tis I, Kadamose, and I have returned from the Lizards to deliver my messages of doom, destruction and piracy to the masses. Wait... what's that? Oh, the Lizards also want me to tell you to buy their delicious Sobe juice drinks. Maybe you can hope to become as evolved as I!

So anyways, you humans really suck. You turn me into for piracy to Sony, I get arrested for piracy twice. No little kids will have anything to do with me, even if I promise them candy. You all have effectively ruined my life. But then the lizards came and they promised that if I joined them, I could have revenge against all.

So be sure to buy my copied games, anime VCDs, and pr0n. Maybe, just maybe if you buy enough it'll be sufficient to save your souls from the lizards.

Ta ta,

Kadamose

Huzzah! King Nallo!

I suppose I should do the whole "welcome to AD, good luck with that letter column dealie, or whatever the hell it is you do here, blah blah blah," but there's more important things I need to know - things only a noble Nallopian can answer. Help me Sushi-Wan Nallobi. You're my only hope.

With the requisite copyright violation out of the way, I'll get down to business. I've been hearing rumors lately about why you joined AD - rumors that break my sushi struck heart, and if I wasn't already thoroughly wasted, they'd drive me to drink! I hear Sumi, the bloody succubus that she is, has been trying to keep your sushiness all to herself. Say it ain't so... don't let her seduce you with all those naked pics! She'll have her way with you, then throw you away (and no, that's not a good thing... wipe that grin off your face!). She just wants you for your body, while I, on the other hand, want the whole Nallopian package (and quite the sexy package it is!). I'll die without my daily dose of sushiness... it's true! I've got a doctor's note! Drop that evil seductress before it's too late.

Now get to work on that Lordship Nallo pictorial... or the mailbag... or whatever damn thing you were hired for (I vote pictorial! =P ).

Legion